Am I being Needy?

I know, I know, it’s been ages since I posted anything. I’m sorry, but I will make it up to you.

Today’s blog post comes from something that I know many people struggle with, I know I sure do, and that is wether we’re being needy or not. How often do we not send that message, and not have that conversation because ‘I’m just being needy, I can’t say that’? I’m sorry but how do you define needy, because in my opinion, wanting somebody to share their feelings with you, or telling you occasionally how much you mean to them is not needy, it’s merely apart of being in a relationship. So lets define being needy.

According to Urban dictionary being needy is “Requiring attention beyond what is normative. Getting anxious when someone doesn’t reply to you on MSN after 15 seconds is being needy.” Ok so according to them being needy is freaking out because your boyfriend/girlfriend/person you like took longer than what you thought they would to reply to your message. Yer that’s being needy, constantly messaging someone until they answer you is also being needy. They aren’t attached to their phone or computer, just because they’re your everything at that point doesn’t mean that they necessarily have time to answer you at the moment.

That being said, when you are in a relationship with someone, if you feel like they are constantly ignoring you, that’s different. You have every right to message them and talk to them about how you are feeling. That is not being needy! You are in a relationship with them, and you should be talking, maybe not all the time, but you need to feel like you are being heard and wanted by your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Another thing that is not being needy is wanting your boyfriend/girlfriend to talk about how they are feeling, to share things with you. I don’t know how many boys actually need their girlfriends to share how they are feeling, us girls usually tend to share what’s on our minds quite willingly, but I do know that a lot of girls struggle with the fact that their boyfriends don’t share how they are feeling. I struggle just with my guy friends not telling me how they are feeling or sharing their issues with me and I’m not even dating the guys. Guys if your girlfriend asks you to share your feelings with her, she’s not being needy, she’s just used to her girlfriends sharing their feelings with her, and she wants you to do the same so that she can be there for you. Girls, you aren’t being needy if you ask your boyfriends occasionally to share their feelings! If you ask them every second message how they feel about a situation, well yeah I think you’ve passed needy 🙂 But so often guys don’t share their feelings, and in a relationship you need them too. Guys I’m talking to you, your girlfriend is not being needy by wanting you to share your feelings occasionally, she wants to be apart of your life.

I’m not saying that you always have to share what you are feeling with your boyfriend/girlfriend, but I am saying that sometimes it’s good to share. Not only for guys but also for us girls. Too often we share the superficial things, and never go any deeper.

I hope that this has cleared up some confusion over being needy, because I know I haven’t sent messages to people in my life because I don’t want to come across needy, but God has said it is not good for us to keep things to ourselves. We need to share them, it’s apart of the call that God has placed on every believers heart to love one another. When we love someone, even as friends, we want to be there for them and to support and care for them, which means sharing with them our struggles and our joys. Take time to share your feelings, whether good or bad, with each other be it friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents, or siblings. Take this time to show how much you care about the other person by also listening to them share their feelings.

Have a great week, and I’ll be back next week.

Caiti

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How do you act/react?

Tonight I was reminded of the way that guys, and girls, play with each others hearts. It sucks because God didn’t intend for us to do that to each other. When we play with others hearts, whether we mean to or not, it not only destroys our relationship with that person but also makes it harder for us to have a proper relationship… The kind God wanted us to have. We are all guilty of this at one point or another, but that doesn’t mean its ok.
One thing that has always stuck with me is that girls fall for what they hear, and boys fall for what they see. This means if a guy talks to a girl and is smooth and makes her feel like the only girl in the world, that girl will start to fall for him no matter whether he likes her or not. In the same way, if a girl spends all her time dressing to impress a guy and hanging all over him, he will start to think that she’s into him even if she’s not really. This not only hurts all people involved but also has the potential to destroy friendships and hurt even more people.
That being said, just want to remind you that what you say, do and act around a guy or girl could potentially lead them on and if you don’t like them like that you could potentially ruin everything. Anything you do, just think about the message you’re sending.

As always,
Love
Caiti

Lets get personal

If I’m expecting to tell you what to expect from a relationship, I’d better give you some background on me.
I’m a 21 year old female youth pastor who lives in Australia. Over my life, I have been that girl who needed a boyfriend in order to fit in at school and ended up ruining some amazing friendships because I rushed into relationships instead of waiting for me to be ok with where God was wanting me to be. After high school I realised that I was ok with being single. Over the last four years I have learnt who I am, and have finally been ok to be myself instead of wanting a guy to fulfil my need for acceptance, love, hope, self-worth and self-esteem. I have finally been able to see the person God created me to be by myself without having to be with a guy or in ‘love’ with a guy. I finally see what God sees in me.
Over this past year, God has blessed me incredibly with an amazing guy. We aren’t dating, but this past year has been a time of growth for both of us and has allowed us to look at exactly what we want from a relationship. Even though we both like each other, this time together has made me really think about what I want from our relationship. We have both been in relationships where we have rushed things and have also put all our worth into a relationship that would not last. It is because of my current situation and all I have learnt from it, and my past situations and all I thought I knew from that, that I wanted to write this blog. To make sure that other teens are more informed about relationships at that age – more than what I was at that age.

What is it all about?

As a youth leader, I see a lot of teenagers who are constantly worried about what relationship they are in, and the way in which they want to be continually with someone. Speaking for myself, I was that girl. I thought that I had no purpose when I was not dating someone, so I dated numerous guys in high school despite the fact that I really was not ready to date. This experience, plus what I have experienced in the last few years as a youth leader, and also in taking that time for me to get to know who I am and what I want from a relationship. And so I want to share it with you!

So many girls want a boyfriend (and no I’m not singling out girls, I just know you better 🙂 ), and while that desire is not a bad thing, when it becomes your sole focus and you cannot be your own person because you do not have a boyfriend, that is when it gets to be an issue. It becomes the entire reason why we get up in the morning, the reason why we do anything – it consumes our entire being! God created us to be in relationship with each other and to love each other because it helps us, not to complete each of us because in Him we are all complete!

So many times I have watched couples completely destroy groups of friends due to the fact that the girl (or guy) in the relationship can’t understand why the boy (or girl) broke up with them. They become so fixated on the fact that the relationship no longer existed and the fact that they have now lost their entire identity due to the fact that they had broken up. This made me realise that so many teenagers, whether they realise it or not, are so wrapped up in what is going in their relationship that they do not fully understand the fact that they need to be sure of themselves and that they do not need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be complete. While I’m not saying that the desire to have a boyfriend is wrong, but its when that desire becomes all that you focus on and put your energy into that it starts to become harmful. This blog is focussing on the way God views relationships and the way to have healthy relationships during your teenager years.

Love,

Caiti